Marital Compromise: Good and Bad (2)

Let’s Learn Compromise

1. Compromise is the charitable allowance Christians make to get along with other sinners, for it is swallowing our own pride and preferences to make others more important, and you must do it all the time, for we are always sinners and disappointing, even pastors.
2. I have preached against compromise, God Hates Compromise (2001), and Incremental Compromise (1992, 2016), for it is typically bad, but it can be good when used rightly, though you may need to work a little to allow a “negative” word any “positive” value!
3. Compromise is required for two sinners to live happily in the intimate roles of marriage, and the emphasis of this short and simple study will be maximizing perfect marriages, though the principle and practice of compromise is necessary for all our relationships.
4. I will not list the many ways spouses must compromise. Do you recall the long Christian liberty outline? That gives you a hint of how many ways spouses must compromise.
5. Good compromise excludes and rejects pride, selfishness, bitterness, hatred, revenge, or self-righteousness, for it is a goodwill gesture of concern and love for another person.
6. Bad compromise indicates carnal thinking, fear of man, laziness, twisted priorities, and other faults, for any variation from God and His word indicates a corrupt perspective.
7. When someone defends himself or bites back instead of compromising, you have a carnal christian, or hardly a Christian. Why not compromise? Why not give up yourself?
8. Compromise is gray … black and white is usually cruel, hateful, stupid, and wrong, for it does not grasp all the charity and wisdom we can show others’ offences to please God.
9. It is true we all show some compromise, or we could not even function in this world, or we would be incarcerated as danger to society, but our goal today is to learn more of it.
10. Who will learn and choose to compromise most for the glory of God and joy of others?
11. Feel tension rising … identify solution … choose gift, delay, avoidance, sacrifice, etc.
12. Compromise requires wisdom to discern what the real issues are resolve them.

 

What Is Compromise?

1. Compromise = allowing less than you desire or expect in order to help or please another.
2. Compromise = partial surrender of your position in order to maintain a happy marriage.
3. Compromise = sacrificing opinions or principles to end differences or painful stalemate.
4. Compromise = seeking a middle position between two extremes opposing each other.
5. Compromise = accommodating the preferences of another to avoid conflict or tension.
6. Compromise = seek the highest common good by picking a new position between two.
7. Compromise = willing to do something different and new to avoid boring staleness.
8. Compromise = wisdom to settle conflicting opinions by finding a new position for all.
9. Compromise = creative peacemaking by a decision that accommodates two opponents.
10. Compromise = adjust to the desires or needs of another to honor them and make peace.
11. Compromise = crushing your selfish lusts and thoughts to back down to meet another.
12. Compromise = mercy shown by not punishing another’s faults as severely as possible.
13. Compromise = choosing to participate in something you naturally consider quite stupid.
14. Compromise = a wise man choosing the other side of being smitten on one of his cheeks.
15. Compromise = sacrifice your own delight for the greater good of two better fulfilled.
16. Compromise = understanding and practicing the common rule that it takes two to fight.
17. Compromise = recalls that if one person in a conflict becomes a pillow, the fight ends.
18. Compromise = giving up your preference for the profit of your spouse and the marriage.
19. Compromise = Forgive … Forbear … Graciousness … Longsuffering … Love … Mercy.
20. Forbear = To bear with, endure, have patience with, put up with, tolerate. To abstain from injuring, punishing, or giving way to resentment against (a person or thing); to spare, show mercy or indulgence to. To refrain from enforcing, pressing, or demanding; not to urge, press, insist on, or exact. See the Bible (Eph 4:2; Col 3:13; Proverbs 25:15).
21. Compromise = real love, for the lack of compromise is self-love, which is selfish hatred.
22. Compromise = golden rule, platinum rule, and diamond rule. It is all about compromise.
23. Compromise = recall love languages? Yours is not crucial. Do you know your spouse’s?
24. Compromise = giving up your favorite, your habit, your need, your plan, and your time.
25. Compromise = finding out and meeting your spouse’s favorite, habit, need, plan, time.
26. Compromise = I hate selfishness; I am my own worst enemy; I love you for you; I gladly allow and choose you to be the special one; I will seek your happiness, since I love you.

 

What Is Compromise? (more)

1. Compromise = the opposite of self-promotion, self-protection, and self-righteousness.
2. Compromise = the ability to take your ideas or plans, change them, and laugh about it!
3. Compromise = doing something different to shock your spouse for a pleasant surprise.
4. Compromise = Your way is better than my way, at least for today, and maybe forever!
5. Compromise = I am sorry … I was wrong … You are right … I will consider your points.
6. Compromise = never rush to judgment; never hastily respond to anyone or anything; despise haste justified as zeal; never choosing devil rule, do unto others as you presume they did unto you (two sins – presuming evil and trying to overcome evil with evil).
7. Compromise = JOY … putting Jesus and others over yourself, a clear win-win choice.
8. Compromise = making others more important than yourself … can you be last and least? This must be an intentional choice reviewed and reaffirmed often and seldom violated.
9. Compromise = empathy, gentleness, giving, humility, sacrifice, surrender, sympathy.

 

Compromise Is Necessary to Get Married.

1. You will never find a perfect person, so you must compromise to commit to one for life; no matter who they are, they have lots of faults, which are only found after marriage.
2. God helps in the matter, for He causes love and lust to be quite blind on the front end, without which there would be far fewer marriages than there are due to fear of the faults.
3. Some of you are not married now because you will not compromise what you could, and I dealt with this plainly enough in our PPT series, Finding a Spouse, back in 2021.
4. Your choice to not compromise sacrifices the innocent that would compromise for you, so as I explained before, your choice to be picky costs two people God’s gift of marriage.
5. We never suggest compromising spiritual zeal like fear of God, love of Christ, following the Bible, demanding truth, loving worship, serving the kingdom of God, etc. Never!

 

Compromise Can Be Good or Bad

1. Good compromise = alters your preferences for the glory of God or the profit of another.
2. Bad compromise = allows your character or conduct to be less than what God expects.
3. Good compromise = allows another person to decide a matter for their own pleasure.
4. Bad compromise = lets another person or their desires pressure you to disobey God.
5. Good compromise = allows others their Christian liberty and never complains about it.
6. Bad compromise = alters your conduct for benefit of others against your conscience.
7. We preach against incremental compromise or playing with sin … here, here, here, here.
8. Good compromise = our last question when joining our church – will you compromise to love and serve the other members rather than presume or think they should love you?

 

God Compromises

1. He does not compromise in salvation, for He killed His Son in your place (Rom 3:26).
2. He does compromise sending sunshine and rain on His enemies (Matt 5:45; Acts 14:17).
3. If He did not compromise absolute justice daily for you, then you would not be here.
4. Compromise = longsuffering and mercy, if these terms are properly understood. Glory!
5. Compromise = mercy over sacrifice, even if the sacrifice is key (Matt 12:7; Hosea 6:6).
6. Compromise = goodness, forbearance, longsuffering to produce repentance (Rom 2:4).
7. He treats us carefully for positive change (Is 28:23-29; 28:21; 57:15-16; Ps 103:13-14).
8. There is no God like ours – surely we can compromise like Him (Micah 7:18-20; 6:8).

 

God Teaches Compromise

1. God compromised to allow polygamy for greedy men (Mal 2:15; Eccl 7:29), but He ordered those men to honor even hated wives (Deut 21:15-17), and know that holy women like Sarah encouraged polygamy to increase birth rates (Gen 16:1-3; 30:3-13).
2. Condescend to men of low estate (Rom 12:16). How? By compromising your conceit.
3. Paul taught others are more important than you, so practice it (Rom 12:10; Phil 2:3-4
4. We are to overcome evil with good by being peaceable without wrath (Rom 12:17-21).
5. Jesus in His Sermon on the Mount plainly taught compromise to respond to actions against you and also how to treat your enemies like His Father does His (Matt 5:38-48).
6. What is charity but compromise – think of its fifteen phrases (I Cor 13:4-7) – like suffers long, seeks not her own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil, hopes all things,
7. A master could win a servant to eventually be like a son by delicate treatment (Pr 29:21); even kings and princes can be won through wise compromise (Prov 25:15; Eccl 10:4).
8. Solomon and Paul made compromise crucial to relationships, and their inspired advice to pass over offences by others is great wisdom to keep peace (Pr 19:11; I Cor 6:1-8).
9. What is Christian liberty as taught in the Bible? Reminders and rules for compromise! It is defined by God as loving your brother as your self (Romans 14:1,15; I Cor 8:1).
10. Submit on the job to a forward master and endure grief wrongfully, for only such compromise is worthy of thanks from God and is like His Son Jesus (I Peter 2:18-23).
11. Be compassionate, pitiful, courteous; for evil be contrary with blessing (I Peter 3:8-9).
12. Fathers must hold back when disciplining children lest they discourage them (Eph 6:4).
13. But by love serve one another … the greatest in His kingdom are the compromisers, for they choose to be servants rather than to be served, like our Lord even in Gethsemane.
14. Loving others as yourself is compromise, for nature presumes you are more important.

 

Bible Examples of Compromise

1. Elkanah allowed Hannah to give away his son by her in loving mercy (I Sam 1:19-28).
2. David compromised to a woman, Abigail, from violent rage against Nabal (I Sam 25).
3. Why did David say his nephews were too hard for him? Why did Jesus say the sons of Zebedee did not know what spirit they had? They did not compromise against enemies.
4. Rehoboam should have compromised to keep the tax revenue of all twelve tribes, but puffed up by office and immature counsel, he lost ten, thus novices are not ordained and immature men should not get wives, for they easily become oppressors (Prov 28:16).
5. The husband of the great woman of Shunem allowed her an apartment and trip to Elisha.
6. Joseph, a just man, thought to divorce pregnant Mary privately to protect her (Mat 1:19).
7. Jesus compromised gloriously. He humbled Himself from the form of God (Phil 2:5-8); though Lord of all, He became a servant (Matt 20:25-28); in the Garden of Gethsemane, He prayed, Father, if it be possible … nevertheless not my will (Matt 26:39); He gave Himself sacrificially for the church to make her a most perfect church (Eph 5:25-27).
8. What about Paul in Philemon? Why not just blast Philemon by his authority and truth?

 

Pastor, Why “Compromise”?

1. Because God convicted and directed me to this approach to relationships and a Biblical marriage by His Spirit and providence, and I want you to embrace this concept with me.
2. Never forget this word and its meaning. Think about it daily to be relationally perfect. We each need a trigger that activates conviction and good conduct – it is “compromise.”
3. Compromise can be good or bad, so you must constantly think about the word to benefit from the sermon by saying, I should compromise here, or, I cannot compromise there.
4. Though compromise is often a bad thing e.g. compromising truth or righteousness; it can be a very good thing by graciously and mercifully choosing cooperation with others.
5. I have preached against compromise – identifying incremental compromise – but we want to see both bad and good compromise in relationships and especially in marriage.
6. Lack of compromise leading to harm of your spouse is treachery in the Bible, and those guilty of it will be judged by God for it, and it includes both spouses (Malachi 2:10-17).
7. Compromise what and where? Money, time, food, sex, clothes, routine, health, in-laws, politics, child discipline, weight, married children, orderliness, jobs, restaurants, etc.
8. Compromise = good to the compromiser for the promise that giving is better than getting, and the human soul is done much more good by giving love than by receiving it, though this is not intuitive or known by the world (Acts 20:35).

 

WIVES … Submission

1. Good compromise is submitting to your husband, which means denying yourself (Eph 5:22-24), for submission is doing something you do not want to do, or it is a vacation.
2. God declared this rule in Eden about the woman’s greater subjection to her husband (Gen 3:16), and her severe subordination is like to Abel begging for his life (Gen 4:7).
3. Good compromise is fearing and obeying your husband (I Pet 3:1-6), which is letting him direct you against your own preferences and reverencing him through it (Titus 2:5).
4. Eve was created to be Adam’s helper, but her sin demoted her (Gen 2:18); all women should remember God’s rule that Eve was made for Adam, not him for her (I Cor 11:9).
5. Wives, you should daily recall “compromise,” for your spirit will rise up to disobey, disrespect, or despise him. Recall our word today and back down to submit cheerfully.
6. Compromise = husband disallowing her vow to God, no matter how sincere (Nu 30:8).
7. If you compromise this duty from heaven for life, you sin against God, against the truth of His word, against human society and its function, against the church of God, etc.
8. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life, when she could do otherwise, which is compromising her own ambitions, desires, and preferences for her husband’s.
9. Compromise = reverence and “lord” … both of which are hard … neither come by nature or by our society, especially the woke mentality of a narcissistic generation like ours.

 

HUSBANDS … Honor

1. God expects husbands to know that their wives deserve honor for being weaker vessels, which is opposite the selfish superiority of abusing them or being bitter (I Peter 3:7).
2. “Giving honor” unto the wife requires sacrifice and surrender … or compromise … for he may not dominate his wife as a brute or dictator, for he is ordered to honor her.
3. If a husband does not learn these duties, he is cruel and a monster and does not deserve a wife in principle. Think! Should you terrify Bambi or make her the best (Prov 5:19)?
4. These words are usually wrong and lead to disaster (whether thought or spoken): Well, I am the man, and I am to rule over her, and I will enforce my authority to be a man and make her comply. How can we call you a man? You are more monster. Win your wife!
5. Good compromise is to let go of some of your excessive expectations to make her success possible and spirit passionate without your accumulating bitterness (Col 3:19).
6. Compromise is sacrificing business (money) and war (Boy Scouts) for her (Deut 24:5), and you should keep this rule in mind even if you did not get a year off for a honeymoon.
7. If a man does not compromise his marital goals, demands, and selfishness in light of his wife’s God-given constitution and status in heaven, he is a great oppressor (Pr 28:16).
8. Boys think they can get married and boss the poor girl around and use much like a slave.
9. Real leaders learn how to compromise (I Samuel 30:21-25; Prov 20:28; Ps 103:13-14).
10. Compromise = embrace facts; you are not God; your goals, ideas, plans are scum, sir!
11. Compromise = I will rule for her betterment, happiness, love, romance, security, etc.
12. The men’s PPT presentation, How to Manage Your Wife, is loving compromise … here.

 

General Marital Compromise

1. Two in bed – a destination of holy fantasies – who will compromise to end a cold war?
2. She knows what I want; we’ve been married ten years! She does not, so wisely tell her.
3. Read the Song of Solomon and learn the eager willingness of each to do all for the other.
4. A compromising man will give her OF the fruit of her hands; his wife will be thankful.
5. If you will flush, sacrifice, and surrender your issues and invest in your spouse, it will immediately heal your spirit, heart, and mind and will win your spouse in most all cases.
6. Marriage is the best place to practice compromise; it is your most familiar relationship, where there can be the most hurt, where you assume your spouse will always give, where you have made the most entrenched habits, where you think you have rights, etc.

 

Marital Sex Cannot Be Compromised

1. Compromising sexual needs of a spouse is bad compromise – defrauding (I Cor 7:1-5).
2. Paul made it very clear that frequent sex for the benefit of your spouse is Christian duty.
3. Even for fasting and prayer, it must be mutual assent and quickly ended for lovemaking.
4. Compromising heart or mind loyalty to a spouse romantically or sexually is treacherous desertion (Pr 5:19), and its cure is as simple as making a decision to honor God in the matter and love their features. The Song of Solomon is more intentional than natural.
5. If you compromise your relationship with God, you compromise your marriage – bad.
6. If you compromise your marriage, you compromise fellowship with God (I Peter 3:7).
7. Compromise with sex before marriage you lose; it will cost you in ways you cannot see.

 

Compromise with Extended Families.

1. Though you think your family superior, you marry another family when you say, I do.
2. No two families are very much alike; you will find many ways in which to compromise.
3. The differences between Christian families are often liberties. Why do they bother you?
4. They bother you because of the foolish prejudice you have against your family tradition.

 

Compromise by Careful Examination

1. Husbands must learn that good wives will not tell them very much, so he must think selflessly to learn her true preferences, which is the platinum rule, not the golden rule.
2. What if your wife does not complain? Does that mean you can flush compromise? No!
3. A loving leader, which is the husband’s role, does not need to be told how to win her.

 

Worst Marriage Compromise

1. First, to ever think you have a better angle for how a marriage should work (Ps 119:128).
2. Second, to alter the roles God has assigned to the woman and the man, in that order; for a marriage must have the woman’s submission to work, and a man’s love makes it great.
3. Third, ignore, neglect, reject, or slight parental counsel when given by godly parents.

 

Compromise Forgets the Past

1. Human nature wants to be bitter about offences, instinctively bite back, or plot revenge, where we define bitterness as an unresolved offence you hold on to for personal reasons.
2. If you bring up the past, you compromise love and hurt others (Prov 10:12; 17:9). Why not rather compromise revenge by forgiving others and forgetting, flushing offences?
3. No one abused a man worse than Saul David, but see David’s eulogy (II Sam 1:17-27); this compromise of the overall truth to honor an office and show mercy is beyond most.
4. A little wisdom for impossible situations – declare a jubilee with terms of compromise.

 

Compromise Gets the Big Picture

1. The big picture is hard for many to see; they only see the details right before their eyes; it is similar to black and white thinking, which is nearly impossible to be right or wise.
2. Joseph in Egypt married the babe daughter of Egypt’s pagan priest, though others might condemn or cry about such a choice, but God blessed the union with two tribes of Israel.
3. Saul could not see a big picture and wanted to kill his son for honey (I Sam 14:24-46), which he could easily undo by admitting the stupidity of his order against any eating.
4. David missed the big picture to honor Absalom over his loyal troops (II Sam 19:1-8), which he did try to undo by sitting in the gate and appreciating his loyal subjects.
5. Solomon saw the big picture to deny his mother her foolish request for a wicked brother, so though he had promised to never deny her, he did deny her anyway and killed him.
6. Elisha saw the big picture, so he comforted and blessed Naaman to return to Syria and enter the temple of Rimmon with his king and even bow there, for he feared Jehovah.
7. Jehu and Jehonadab saw the big picture, so they subtly lied to Israel to get all Baal worshippers to Samaria, and they even offered sacrifices to Baal before killing them all.
8. Paul circumcised Timothy but not Titus for excellent reasons, though circumcision was a terrible evil in the early churches of the Gentiles (Gal 5:1-4; Acts 16:3; Gal 2:3-5).
9. In marriage, a small compromise today can win common good and peace for many days.

 

Compromise Handles Conflict Perfectly

1. It takes two to fight, so if only one – you – compromise to be a pillow, the fight is over.
2. A soft answer and soft tongue both work to diffuse and end conflict (Prov 15:1; 25:15).
3. David’s humility to compromise sacrificially to Saul ended battles though not the war.
4. Gifts in secret, not done for public display or honor, can pacify strong wrath (Pr 21:14).

 

Compromise Handles Enemies Perfectly

1. Treat enemies better than they treat you against revenge (Matt 5:38-48; Rom 12:16-21).
2. A spouse at times man seem an “enemy,” which gives you an opening for righteousness.
3. God shows us how every day, and we should copy Him to be perfect like He is perfect.
4. Motivation is not necessary for good men, but it is how to heap coals of fire on enemies.

 

Marriage Cannot Be Compromised for Children

1. Marriage cannot be compromised for children – the marriage is first and most important.
2. Wives can default to doting on children more than her husband, for she has no bitterness toward them, and it is much easier than to humble herself in all ways to her man.
3. Men, you contribute to being defeated by a child winning your wife due to your selfishness, bitterness, excessive expectations, or any criticism of your friend and lover.

 

Marriage Cannot Approve Children Compromise

1. Marriages that allow children to compromise with sin or sinners is bad compromise.
2. Eli made a horrible choice that cost him and his wife their family tree (I Sam 3:11-14).
3. David and Solomon made the horrible choice of polygamy and tore their families down.
4. Compromise that is bad and worse – settle for less than fear of the Lord as defined in the Rate-a-Date outline, settle for less than a sold-out, red-hot, pedal-to-the-metal Christian that demands and digs for true Bible doctrine with sacrificial passion.

 

Bad Compromise

1. Letting anyone or anything become more important than God Himself and His worship, and this commitment must be intentional, reaffirmed often, and embraced absolutely.
2. A spouse and marriage, and especially children, must never compete with God or Christ, for they are nothing at all in comparison to God and His Son and identified as sacrifices.
3. Your life should not compete with God or your spouse, for you gave yourself up to both, so in the priorities of allocating your time and resources, do not slight God or spouse.

 

Bottom Line

1. The word compromise has good and bad meanings and applications. Appreciate both.
2. Due to the conviction and providence for this sermon, learn to think about this word in every relationship and humbly submit to the wisdom of God to sacrifice for others.
3. Due to the belly worship, carnal, effeminate, and worldly nature of bad compromise, choose today whom you will serve and never let anything compete to cause your failure