Things Your Wife Deserves
God made Eve for Adam, but He gave rules for men to care for and love wives. Concubines deserved essentials, but how much more Christian wives. Your wife deserves these things because God said so and for many other wise reasons.
If he take him another wife; her food, her raiment, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish.
And if he do not these three unto her, then shall she go out free without money.
- The woman in the text above was a maidservant; marriage made her only a concubine (Ex 21:7-9), like Jacob with Bilhah and Zilpah (Gen 30:4,9; 32:22; 35:22), but God protected even these wives.
- The LORD also protected Canaanite women taken by Israelite men in war (Deuteronomy 21:10-14).
- What does deserve mean? God orders you to give certain things to wives … she desires or expects them … it is the way good men love wives … you promised them to her … it adorns Christ’s gospel.
- Your wife is one of the greatest earthly gifts from God, and He expects certain treatment of His gift.
- She was made for you, but rather than presume on that Bible fact, you should tenderly honor the fact.
- An unhappy wife, whether she tells you or not, is lose-lose-lose for you; God will not hear your prayers or bless your life; you bring reproach on Christ’s gospel; you lose with a miserable, unhappy lover.
- A wife not only deserves these things, she also needs and wants them, which further elevates them.
- The Bible about marriage should be enough, but it rarely overcomes habits and home examples; one of the worst things in a Christian marriage is to become passing partners without passionate romance.
- If you think this topic not spiritual, you miss the Bible and God (Mal 2:13-14; I Pet 3:7; I Cor 7:1-5).
- If you think this topic not important, it greatly trumps the Great Commission and reading your Bible.
- Since marriage is leading about a sister (I Cor 9:5), then your wife is God’s daughter, so treat her well.
- She gave up a great deal to marry you, and continues to give up to stay with you, so make it the best.
- Since marriage was instituted for benefits, you cheat yourself, your wife, and children by compromise.
- Great marriages adorn the gospel, silence enemies, and give children a holy goal (I Tim 5:14; Tit 2:5).
- If you hate perversion of marriage today and want to fight, maximize marriage (Pr 28:4; Deut 4:5-8).
- Details are an excuse; you won your present wife, and you would do so again to win another wife.
- God’s blessing and His Spirit in your life requires righteous relationships. Let us focus on marriage.
- We are not to despise prophesying, and the word of prophecy clearly has marriage rules (I Thess 5:20).
- Love of the Bible should extend to every precept for any part of your life, as we believe (Ps 119:128).
- You should crave and apply every word from the Inventor, Designer, and Counselor of marriage.
- The most glorious, valorous, exalted men are those that will learn and do these things for their wives.
- Every whining, moody, television-addicted, business-obsessed, or carnally minded man is a disgrace to his sex, a shame to his wife and family, and will be judged for defrauding his wife of a real husband.
- The world and today’s Christianity will provide no reminder or encouragement on this topic this way.
- The only way you will ever be a true power couple is if you will maximize the following marital rules
FOOD – a teaser from Exodus 21:10 – when did you last wine and dine your wife?
- It only counts if you are excited about it, do not talk about your life, and are attentive.
- It only counts if you do not mention the cost in any way, shape, or form afterwards.
- It only counts if you are the kindest patron in the place to the staff and their conduct.
- It only counts if you praise your wife for several things as you expect of your boss.
- It only counts if you dress up a little more than usual to show honor, like your boss.
- It only counts if you make sure the children and her other pressing duties are lifted.
- It only counts if you let her order what she wants, not what you want her to want.
- It only counts if you do not notice the attractive or scantily-clad customers and servers.
- It only counts if you do not say before, during, or after that the lost time got you behind.
- It only counts if you drive there and back without speeding, cutting off, complaining.
- It only counts if you give her time to dress up a little and do the date stuff she likes.
- It really counts if you give discrete PDA she enjoys; none or too much are both wrong.
- It only counts if you drink less or slower than you are used to drinking, if you drink.
- It only counts if you tell her that night in bed and the next day that you had a great time.
- It only counts if you like God suggest and encourage what she might crave (Deut 14:26).
- It only counts if you are romantic and suave enough to think of ambiance and venue.
- It only counts if you open her door four times – leaving, arriving, departing, returning.
- It only counts if you look at her with an approving gaze with lustful under or overtones.
- It only counts if you eat slow enough for her to not worry or end up eating by herself.
- It only counts if you talk with the server graciously, briefly, and compliment your wife.
- It only counts if you have a small gift like flowers, candy, a card, an old picture, etc.
- It really counts if you include her in blessing the food and also end the meal that way.
- It really counts if you compliment the food and service without complaints or tension.
- It really counts if you reminisce of some precious events together that she holds dear.
- It really counts if you tell the children, babysitter, or anyone that you are a blessed man.
- It only counts if you tell others about the one you took rather than where you took her.
RAIMENT – a teaser from Exodus 21:10 – when did you last get her a nice outfit?
- God knows about clothes and accessories (Prov 31:22; Gen 24:22; Esther 5:1; Jer 2:32).
- It only counts if you commit the money up front and never, ever mention the cost again.
- It only counts if you compliment and praise it, rather than criticize or suggest another.
- It only counts if you promise a place to wear it with you and for you for her honor.
- It only counts if you make sure she has enough accessories to properly complete it.
- It only counts if you give her sufficient time to do a little shopping to try things on.
- It only counts if you dress up sufficiently yourself to match the outfit she has found.
- It only counts if she catches you looking at various parts of it with very approving eyes.
- It only counts if the new outfit is higher quality and thus a higher price than her usual.
- It only counts if she knows that you consider her arm candy to all other men and women.
DUTY – She deserves sex when, where, how, and how often she wants in heart/body.
- Paul was very clear and strong about this issue ignored by most pulpits (I Cor 7:1-5).
- Solomon very concisely required you to adore her body and lovemaking (Prov 5:19).
- Selfish or boring sex is an insult to a wife, for she deserves some honeymoon passion.
- Song of Solomon is in the Bible for good – a standard for passionate, marital romance.
- If you think your wife does not like sex, it is likely your fault on one or more levels.
PROVIDER – She clearly deserves these three things as necessities for even slaves.
- Therefore, appreciate the choice of the text for these sermons about what wives deserve.
- When we hear trite statements about bringing home the bacon, there is some basic truth.
- But upon this basic foundation of necessities for a slave concubine God expects more.
- If a concubine, slave wife deserved these basics, then what should your godly wife get?
LOVE – She deserves your benevolent obsession with her perfect, even if for yourself.
- Husbands must love wives, as Christ the church and they themselves (Eph 5:25-33).
- Perfecting your wife should be your highest ambition with you then benefitting by it.
- Love is not selfish lust, but marital love will have lust included to be rightly passionate.
- You should want to perfect your wife for the Lord, for her, and for your own benefit.
CHERISH – She deserves tender treatment as a very special object of your affection.
- God knows every man cherishes his body, and He requires such for wives (Eph 5:29).
- You will do most anything to enjoy, enhance, help, pamper, and protect your own body.
- You can choose a loving hind, pleasant roe, or Abishag; you owe it (Pr 5:19; I Kgs 1:4).
- Men also cherish childish toys like cars, guns, sports; they should far exceed with wives.
NOURISH – She deserves your help, direction, freedom to grow better as a woman.
- God knows every man nourishes his body, and He requires such for wives (Eph 5:29).
- Being your lover and maid is not enough; wives need time alone, education, tools, etc.
- A wife, like your body, gets better if you give encouragement, freedom, friends, time.
- What can you do to give her greater confidence, fulfillment, happiness, energy, etc.?
HONOR – She deserves you to know and remember her frame and equality in Christ.
- Peter taught wives first, but then told husbands they had their duties as well (I Pet 3:7).
- Rather than mock today’s women for weakness, show your wife mercy because of it.
- Never forget that she can and should have her own relationship with God outside you.
- Wives may be weaker vessels in some ways, but they may also exceed in some ways.
MERCY – She deserves you to pity and understand that she cannot do all things well.
- Men love the mercy principle (Matt 12:7), but godly men prefer showing it (Mic 6:8).
- Your wife has scarce resources – energy, time, wits – so you must limit expectations.
- The opposite of mercy is bitterness, meaning you sinfully remember she is not perfect.
- What can you do to lessen her burdens or fear in life, like you appreciate your boss for?
HOPE – She deserves you to communicate enough and faithfully to give motivation.
- Our God is One of hope (Rom 15:13), and good husbands will give their wives hope.
- The worst thing you can do to any person is to take away their hope. Hopelessness kills.
- David was hopeless at Ziklag; she can be hopeless without goals/rewards like you enjoy.
- Most men have hope in their jobs – paychecks, promotions, praise, plans, reviews, PTO.
HELP – She deserves things to make her life easier like Bible men provided wives.
- Sarah, Rebekah, Bathsheba, and Lemuel’s mother spoke of handmaidens, servants, etc.
- You can support your wife by teaching and requiring children to do household chores.
- God gave us many witty inventions to make her life easier rather than selfish idealism.
- A medium apartment in the city is easier to maintain than a big house in the country.
PRAISE – She deserves to be commended and encouraged by you praising her efforts.
- Every man loves praise and is highly motivated by praise and should give it to his wife.
- The husband of the virtuous woman made sure his wife was praised (Pr 31:23,28,31).
- You can praise her directly, praise her to family members, and praise her among friends.
- Wives appreciate verbal approval and will respond accordingly; remember Shechem.
FORGIVENESS – She deserves you to forgive her fully, quickly, and forget faults.
- Forgiving and forgetting is the religion of Jesus Christ, but especially to our own wives.
- You should state your forgiveness if appropriate and prove it by no moods or mention.
- The opposite of forgiveness is bitterness – remembering unresolved offences (Col 3:19).
- If you bring up past faults to pile on when debating her, you are a cruel oppressor.
SATISFACTION – She deserves to know you are fulfilled and happy with her only.
- Solomon described this as an important part of the marital sexual relationship (Pr 5:19).
- Every man likes to know his boss and company are fully satisfied with job performance.
- A woman that knows she is wanted and appreciated will be motivated to be a great wife.
- Physical and sexual vulnerability are the most intimate and personal sacrifices she gives.
GENTLENESS – She deserves to be treated with delicate kindness, not harshness.
- Solomon taught delicate treatment like deer (Pr 5:19), and Shechem knew it (Gen 34:3).
- Harshness or roughness by criticism, moods, or neglect proves an insensitive brute.
- Gentleness does not compromise authority, as David and Jesus and Paul proved well.
- Harshness like the sons of Zeruiah is cruel; good men like David resent it (II Sam 3:39).
LEADERSHIP – She deserves a confident man that can make decisions for good.
- Women usually prefer a man that will take charge and responsibility for all decisions.
- Abraham and Joshua knew this, and their wives followed them (Gen 18:19; Josh 24:15).
- Lead in big family decisions; help her know priorities; handle all big issues; defend her.
- The greatest goals a man can set for wife and family are spiritual ones to win Christ.
PLANS – She deserves a leader to think about the future and plan how to improve it.
- Comparable to hope mentioned earlier, a plan selects the right goals and means to them.
- Letting life happen confuses and discourages wives; aiming at nothing will hit its mark.
- Hezekiah was a tremendous planner with great works to save the church from Assyria.
- You need to share your plans for the future and follow through enough to excite her.
INSTRUCTION – She deserves a man to fulfill his role by knowing more for answers.
- God and Paul expected husbands to answer their wives’ questions (I Cor 14:34-35).
- If you do not know the answer, then tell her you will think about it; go get the answer.
- Thus, you should talk about everything with your wife and settle as much as you can.
- As in nourish above, a good husband teaches his wife important things of God and life.
ALLOWANCE – She deserves to have some of what she makes or saves the estate.
- Lemuel’s mother told him to allow his wife an allowance to do as she pleased (Pr 31:31).
- This woman was able to plow such earnings into bigger projects for returns (Pr 31:16).
- An allowance that is not questioned or criticized is highly motivating and wife building.
- All men know he would not be motivated on a communist farm getting only his needs.
FAITHFUL – She deserves a man that consistently does right and keeps his word.
- Solomon warned about the pain of a man that could not be trusted (Pr 13:17; 25:13).
- A godly husband will follow through with plans and promises or state any changes.
- God warns painfully that most men think themselves faithful, but few are (Pr 20:6).
- When a wife has given her life to a man, he should be consistent for her easy trust.
JOYFUL – She deserves a man that enjoys life with her to maximize life’s pleasures.
- Solomon knew marriage was one of God’s great gifts to a man (Eccl 9:7-9; Gen 2:18).
- She married a professing Christian, and God prescribed a continual feast (Prov 15:15).
- This is opposite a critical man, a moody man, a negative man, stuck in a boring funk.
- Her life is tied up with his life, so your critical, moody, negative choices ruin two lives.
GLORIOUS – She deserves a man that fulfills his assigned role as the glory of God.
- God made man in His own image, part of which is confident dominion (Gen 1:26-28).
- Paul clearly identified differences in the sexes under God and Christ (I Cor 11:3-4,7,14).
- She deserves a man fulfilling his role gloriously as confident pillar at home and church.
- A godly wife will adore a godly man; she will respond by nature to his manly godliness.
FREEDOM – She deserves your trust to do as she chooses in some areas of life.
- The virtuous woman could be trusted in all kinds of activities even with men (Pr 31:11).
- We have the best group of women in the world, and they deserve our trust most times.
- Not trusting your wife contradicts many other points here and demeans her as a wife.
- Virtuous wives, like this church, deserve freedom (Pr 31:11,14,16,38,20,22,24,26,31).
IN-LAWS – She deserves a godly man that appreciates her family as God expects.
- Moses gave you a tremendous example by highly honoring Jethro (Exodus 18:7-12).
- Her parents deserve equal honor to your parents, and you should minimize differences.
- If Jesus Christ draws a family sword, so be it; but until then they deserve parental honor.
- Look at the opportunity at double-dipping in God’s promise of reward (Eph 6:2-3
PROTECTION – She deserves a man sympathetic to her needs and takes precautions.
- If she is the weaker vessel (God did make her so), she deserves wise mercy (I Pet 3:7).
- Different from mercy identified above, she must be protected from herself and others.
- A good husband protects his wife from setting her goals too high in too many directions.
- He will protect his wife from the children, his parents, thoughtless friends, enemies, etc.
COMMUNICATION – She deserves a man that will listen, learn, open up, choose.
- A woman needs more than you telling her what to think, what to do, what not to do.
- Every man appreciates a boss that listens to his feedback and reveals plans and ideas.
- You treat your beloved bride like a concubine slave when you are silent (John 15:15).
- Hear her thoughts; tell her your thoughts; talk about everything; make plans together.
ALTAR – She deserves a man that will help her travel to the altar of God frequently.
- A wife needs her own relationship with God, which requires freedom, time, and money.
- She needs fellowship with God herself, without you, and she will be better by it for you.
- If you do not encourage her in it, then you discourage her in it and become a soul enemy.
- Unless disrupting the family, let her vow like Hannah did (Num 30:6-8; I Sam 1:11,28).
For Further Study:
- How to Love Your Wife … here.
- How to Seduce Your Wife … here.
- Marital Speech … here.
- Managing Your Wife … here.
- Role of the Man … here.
- A Perfect Marriage … here.
- Marriage Essentials … here.
- Importance of Marriage … here.
- God’s Rules for Marriage … here.
- Love the One You’re With … here.
- Maximizing Your Marriage … here.
- Measuring Your Marriage … here.
- The Covenant of Marriage … here.
- Paul’s Doctrine of Marriage (I Cor 7) … here.