Family Planning

 

 

Introduction:

1. A great family does not just happen; it must be purposed, planned, executed, and completed – a lot of work.
2. A great family has all members fulfilling Scriptural roles and bearing spiritual fruit into future generations.
3. The world today has lost proper sight of the family. It is our duty to resurrect the Bible priority on the family.
4. By breaking down the family, there is a corresponding breakdown in every level of authority in our society.
5. The Bible addresses every internal relationship within the family, thus showing the importance of the family.
6. There is only way to maximize life in this world – and it requires practicing the Scripture in all relationships.
7. Do you know examples of grandparents, grandchildren, fathers, mothers, children, siblings, uncles, aunts?
8. We recently studied Abraham. Consider what He was able to do with Sarah and just one child (Deut 10:22)!
9. The nation looked to those two parents for many generations (Is 51:1-2). Are you worth looking at yourself?
10. We recently studied Boaz and Ruth. Consider the effect of their godly union through Obed, Jesse, and David.
11. Like everything else, it requires wisdom and temperance (self-denial): appropriate intervention or withdrawal.
12. Feeding your children and helping with homework is not building a godly, happy, and prosperous family.
13. I love each of you, and I will not be content with a godly and happy family for Sherri and me. I want it for all.
14. Some of you will feel I am attacking you, but I am rightly attacking common faults and sins (II Cor 10:4-6).
15. Though I would rather preach “He Is Altogether Lovely” regarding our blessed Lord, this sermon is needed.
16. Some of you have made progress in these matters, but others have made no progress, at your own future peril.
17. Great families don’t just happen: a family or children left to themselves will bring future pain and shame.
18. While much, much more could be said; this is a simple reminder. There are other resources available to you.
19. Detailed information is not the purpose of this sermon (that is elsewhere), so the key is conviction and action.
20. Rather than fret for a cookbook of training recipes (which the Bible is), there is plenty we know we should do.

The GOALS

1. We want families that are testimonies to the glory and grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, which are living epistles of the grace of God that results in new natures and holy living apart from the world.
   1. Jesus Christ is our King, and we want our descendants to be obvious members of His kingdom.
   2. Rather than spreading tracts like proselytizing Hindus, let us show Jesus Christ by our lives.
   3. We want families to perpetuate the fear of the Lord and knowledge of Jesus Christ in the earth.
2. We want families that defend and vindicate the Word of God and the truth of the gospel, by living such happy, prosperous, and peaceful lives that sinful living is condemned and the truth glorified.
3. We want happy families with the pleasant and prosperous fruits of righteousness and peace, being saved from the grievous lives of those parents with foolish, rebellious, and ungodly children.
4. We reach these holy and noble goals by building godly character and patterns of holy living that are carried forward indefinitely by the future generations of our family. What a grand reason to be alive!
5. The Bible speaks clearly of four generations by careful instruction (Ps 78:1-8; Joel 1:1-3; Is 38:19), which is as glorious of a goal as the ministerial succession of the kingdom of Christ (II Tim 2:2).
6. Our duty is to leave a godly seed in the earth for the glory of God (Gen 4:26; Mal 2:15; Ps 144:12).
7. Jonadab had a family that God praised for about 250 years of obedience to their father (Jer 35:1-19).

The MEANS

1. There is only one right way to build a family and train children, by divine revelation (Ps 119:128).
   1. All the relationships within the family have been settled by the Creator of the family, the Lord.
   2. Only the rod and reproof work; a child raised another way will ruin a family’s future (Pr 29:15).
   3. Corporal punishment is more obvious Scripturally than monogamy, the Trinity, or attendance.
   4. Your ideas from Ben Spock, college, momma, or experience are less than worthless beside truth.
   5. Child training details are beyond the scope of this study, but plenty of information can be had.
   6. Raising children has nothing to do with training children – the difference is very great (Pr 22:6).
   7. Results prove nothing. Go read the commentary on Proverbs 28:11 about the conceited rich man.
2. The importance of parental examples in the home cannot be overstated. Be forewarned of hypocrisy.
   1. Big hypocrites beget little hypocrites; critical and negative parents replicate critical and negative.
   2. How many Bible stories you read to the children goes out the window with a boring marriage!
   3. The money and time you spent on private schooling is greatly wasted by an ungodly example.
   4. Odious women do not read porno, dip snuff, get drunk, or beat up neighbors: they neglect their husband, nag their children, neglect their appearance, talk a lot, and have too many opinions.
   5. An odious woman, no matter what she says or where she takes her children to church, will cost her family their full success by undermining the truth and parental respect and reputation.
   6. If the love of Christ is cool in your home, without God’s grace that is all your children will have.
   7. Lot is a horrible example of how hypocrisy and carnal living can totally destroy a family.
3. There is only one proper authority structure for a home – a dominant father and supportive mother.
   1. This order must be visible in the marriage, a loving and adoring wife reverencing her husband.
   2. This rule cannot be slighted without corresponding negative results in the marriage and children.
   3. A dominant mother and supportive father are not Christian or wise: there will be consequences.
   4. The father is the primary teacher of the children (Psalm 34:11; 78:1-4; Proverbs 4:4-5; Eph 6:4).
   5. A prosperous family must have a strong father like Abraham and Joshua (Gen 18:19; Jos 24:15).
   6. Cornelius and the jailor had not even considered that their children might have different ideas!
   7. If you don’t think your husband is a strong enough leader, back off and allow him finally to lead.
   8. Wives were made to be helpers (Gen 2:18; Pr 1:8). If they do more, they will distort the family.
   9. The wife must be in total support of her husband to perpetuate God’s order for the family.
   10. If a wife goes beyond a believing husband, she violates New Testament order (I Cor 14:34-35).
   11. The pastor, nor anyone else, can properly replace a father and his duties to lead the family.
4. The priority is the fear of the Lord: all other things must go to the back of the bus or be thrown off.
   1. The dominant father to lead the home should be Jesus Christ and Scripture oriented like no other.
   2. It is discouraging to me and obnoxious to God to have parents fretting over irrelevant things.
   3. Your children’s grades and dietary habits are incredibly insignificant compared to fearing God.
   4. It is amazing how mothers can get distraught about family meals, but not the Lord’s Supper!
   5. It is amazing how mothers can get distraught for a better grade, but neglect the Lord’s approval!
   6. It is amazing how mothers can get distraught for memorizing elements, but forget social skills.
   7. Let your son dig ditches for a living, as long as he counts Jesus Christ and heaven his treasures!
   8. There are clear goals given in Scripture for our children (Pr 22:1; Luke 2:52; Gal 5:22-23; etc.), but there is nothing said about dietary habits, grades in school, kitchen arrangement, etc., etc.
   9. Godly families are just that – they are godly above all else. They fear God and love Christ first.
   10. We want to promote faith-based living at all times, so that it is instinctively the most important.
5. It has been said, “The family that prays together, stays together.” This is trite, but spiritually true.
   1. Is every dilemma faced with prayer? This is faith-based living (Heb 11:6; Phil 4:6-7; I Pet 5:7).
   2. Is every success met with thanksgiving? This is faith-based living (Heb 11:6; I Thess 5:17).
   3. Every difficulty, question, blessing, trial, or other thing should be faced with God and Scripture.
6. Parents should be very active and controlling of the courting and marriage process for their children.
   1. The godly wisdom and practice of parental involvement should be taught repeatedly in the home.
   2. Marriage – only in the Lord, by Bible definition – must be taught constantly; there is no room for compromise here, and wise parents will personally prove the integrity of any prospect.
   3. An error here is totally contrary to Scripture and will have evil consequences for all involved.
   4. Any and all other criteria must be rejected. A “nice guy” and “sweet girl” are ridiculous failures.
   5. Your family can have a plan for each child, regularly discussed, to build efforts and expectations.
   6. You can daily compare and contrast gracious and godly women with odious or carnal women, and the children will get excited about Dad’s great interest in them and his ability to grade girls.
   7. Children should have no idea of marrying foolishly or for infatuation. Eliminate such thoughts!
   8. Fathers should be involved in knowing each child and seeking a spouse for them (Gen 24:1-4).
   9. You want to marry as high as possible in spiritual character – all other virtues being subordinate.
   10. Part of this process is creating a family environment that prospective spouses would want to join.
   11. There is no natural or spiritual right for you to expect others to want to marry your children; it is rather your responsibility to win the desire of others to marry into your family.
   12. Overbearing fathers can drive away potential suitors or those foolish enough to marry the family.
   13. Odious mothers can drive away potential suitors or those foolish enough to marry the family.
7. Husbands and wives must be in total agreement, which should be based entirely on the word of God.
   1. Before marriage, a young man should establish to his wife exactly how their family will be run.
   2. After marriage, a man must keep his wife in total agreement with his godly family plan, not hers.
   3. This is not her plan or much of a mutual plan; it is his plan based on Scripture and his father.
8. Parents must control children’s friends – evil communications corrupt good manners (I Cor 15:33).
   1. Have you observed the great emphasis in the book of Proverbs about the danger of evil friends?
   2. A “decent” kid from down the street likely lives contrary to the faith-based life of a Christian.
   3. So what if he doesn’t use crack or get drunk and gets good grades! Does he fear the Lord God?
9. Schooling choices require corresponding efforts to compensate for risk exposure and training voids.
   1. If you nurse from the breast of the public education system, you must be a much greater parent.
   2. No matter which curriculum you use, there will be flaws needing correction to be truly Biblical.
   3. Much of the influence on a child is obtained in those seven hours a day for 13-17 years of school.
10. Parents should not let familiarity cloud their judgment as to the costs of their overbearing faults.
    1. Overbearing mothers can easily drive away children in spirit, so they do not enjoy her presence.
    2. Due to the nature of the relationship, godly children will hardly ever tell parents the truth.
    3. Parents who have to ask their children are so out of touch with reality that it proves the problem.
    4. Foolish parents who embarrass their children by stupid habits and hypocrisy will lose children.
11. Sibling rivalry must be corrected, because it is contrary to every grace and principle of Christianity.
    1. The brotherly kindness and charitable living that should guide their lives can be taught here.
    2. The social skills taught in Proverbs and elsewhere can be practiced and enforced with siblings.
    3. Sins like backbiting, whispering, revenge, cruelty, railing, jesting, and pride can be caught here.
    4. The unity of the family is necessary to its perpetuation, much like the church itself (Eph 4:3).
12. Family projects are a good way of building camaraderie – anything will work if planned wisely.
13. Plain, helpful, realistic advice will do a whole lot better than the prudery of your grandmother.
    1. If you are not as plain with your children as the Bible is plain, then you are a self-righteous fool.
    2. If you could not handle plain talk with them at home, why should they ever return for advice?
    3. They live in a real world with real thoughts and real hormones, why do you play make believe?
14. Devotions are not nearly enough, and can be a delusion as you miss the real aspects of child training.
    1. It is the parents’ job to examine their children with an eye to the future of their overall character.
    2. Sitting politely and parroting back expected answers after reading the Bible can cover problems.
    3. A spiritual approach to all matters from a loving and thoughtful parent is more than devotions.
    4. Family prayer, reading, and worship should be established as a family tradition to be continued.
15. A large family can be a blessing from God and a wise choice for those able to properly care for one.
    1. Recent defense of birth control was due to the foolish, extreme, and unscriptural notion of some.
    2. There are practical, physical, financial, and cultural reasons among others calling for wisdom.
    3. Fathers should decide and settle this matter, as women are simple and sentimental on the subject.
    4. He that hath his quiver full is blessed – but a full quiver is not all the arrows a man could carry!
16. You must pray for your family – except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain (Psalm 127:1).
17. After you do your reasonable best and trust the Lord for the rest, go to bed and sleep (Psalm 127:2).
18. When children are grown and married, the goals and opportunities have only broadened (Pr 17:6)!
    1. A grandfather has more time, knowledge, and experience to invest in his grandchildren.
    2. It is giving God’s truth to grandchildren and beyond that should grip us (Psalm 78:1-8; Joel 1:3).
    3. A family that keeps close personal ties and spiritual instruction over generations will succeed.
19. Good fathers leave an inheritance for their grandchildren (Prov 13:22; 19:14; II Corinthians 12:14).
    1. While children provide for parents in need, that is not the emphasis of Scripture (I Timothy 5:8).
    2. Here is a clear indication of godly foresight for the future, rather than selfishly spending it all.
    3. Parents today actually make a selfish joke of it … “I am enjoying my children’s inheritance!”
    4. If this principle and financial stewardship were kept, each generation of saints would advance.

The RUIN

1. An odious parent will ruin the plan – they will sour the children, sour suitors, and hinder succession.
   1. The cure is rejecting all habits, all parental examples, and all ideas contrary to plain Scripture.
   2. Odious women do not simply appear – they result from an odious woman before (Ezek 16:44).
   3. A gracious woman can do more to build a family than any amount of coercive talking (Pr 11:16).
2. If you try to hold on to your married children, you will lose them. God’s word is plain (Gen 2:24).
   1. Let them have their space, especially from that overbearing woman who always “wants to help.”
   2. Let them fall a few times and get bruised. They know how to come and ask for needed advice.
   3. Let them have isolation for a few months. They will tire of it soon enough and want fellowship.
   4. You cannot force true family loyalty or parental affection; you must win it with godly wisdom.
3. Getting involved too deeply in matters of liberty with your children is childish and destructive.
   1. Your ideas of how matters of liberty should be done are little better than their Hindu neighbors.
   2. If you constantly nag them for your irrelevant ideas, they will reject your appeal in moral issues.
   3. Eunice and Lois are two holy examples, and they taught faith and Scripture (II Tim 1:5; 3:15).
   4. If you press your personal ideas on matters outside Scripture, you trouble your house (Pr 11:29).
4. Prudish parents who think love and sex should be learned by trial and error are child murderers.
   1. If you cannot speak to your children about the important issues of life, you are selfishly hateful.
   2. Sex is a huge part of every normal young person’s life, and you are a fool to ignore or neglect it.
5. Watch the mother who gets all hung up about wedding details and forgets the marriage joy and sex.
   1. Overbearing women prove their ignorance by obsession with flowers and neglecting of counsel.
   2. The details of the wedding are totally insignificant in comparison to the realities of marriage.
   3. Praying with their child and giving godly counsel exceeds anything else by an infinite value.
6. You think you have a right to idiosyncrasies? Just remember the first four letters start your name!
7. Backbiting about one of the children to other children is ungodly sin, destructive, and wicked.
   1. Families must build each other up, especially parents talking about the family to the family.
   2. There are homes that are devilish by backbiting and whispering, though claiming to be Christian.
8. You do not want a family based merely on “family,” but a family based on the Lord and His Word.

The RESULTS

1. Happy families that bring comfort and peace to their parents (Prov 10:1; 15:20; 27:11; Ps 128:1-6).
2. A multi-fold cord that cannot be broken and bears all the blessings of family fellowship (Ec 4:9-12).
3. A foundation for the house of God, with godly sons and daughters blessed by God (Ps 144:11-15).
4. Godly children, a good number of them, are how to leverage a godly marriage (Ps 127:4-5; 68:6).
5. Godly men who will walk in God’s ways, especially in their family, will be blessed (Psalm 128:1-6).
6. A family tradition of building godly families with godly spouses that will be self-perpetuating!
7. When the Lord Jesus Christ returns, He will find our down line fearing God and looking for Him!

Conclusion:

1. Many people want to be a manager, they want to build an MLM down line; they want to build an empire: here is their opportunity – to build a godly family through successive generations to the glory of God.
2. Let us beg God for His abundant mercy on our past failures, our present families, and our future efforts.
3. An outline of extensive detail regarding godly child training is available of 21 pages of single-spaced notes pulling together every useful Scripture (1987-88). The purpose of this study was to renew your conviction.

For further study:

1. Sermon Outline: Righteous Relationships
2. Sermon Outline: Marriage – In the Lord
3. Sermon Outline: “Bible Child Training” and its appendix summaries from 1987/1988.
4. Study Outline: Godly Training for Girls