1. Gracious. The quality of being pleasing and attractive; possessing charming and winning grace especially in manner; of character: likely to find favour; of actions: winning favour or goodwill; being courteous and polite with especially condescending courtesy; being merciful and compassionate; possessing grace or moral excellence; endowed with grace or charm of appearance; in a limited sense being graceful and elegant; characterized by kindness and courtesy especially being condescendingly kind, indulgent, and beneficient to inferiors.
  2. Odious. A quality and manner deserving of hatred, hateful; causing or exciting hatred or repugnance, disagreeable, offensive, repulsive; exciting odium.
  3. A gracious person is never offensive or haughty, always discreet and modest, and is delightfully charming in every way. They are usually described as a “lovely person”; and they would never behave themselves in a disagreeable way. They have many friends, though they do not pursue them or flaunt them.
  4. They are always kind, and you feel safe and accepted in their presence. Instead of the discomfort and work of talking to some, they put you at ease completely and instantly.


  1. A gracious woman retains honour – she is always respected, valued, appreciated (Pr 11:16).
  2. But there is also an odious woman (person) who provokes hatred and repugnance (Pr 30:23).
  3. A good name and loving favour from others – graciousness – is better than riches (Pro 22:1).
  4. When I am asked what quality attracts others, I will always say graciousness (Prov 22:11).
  5. As Christians we should be like our Lord Jesus Christ – He was Graciousness, as His Father.
  6. A beautiful woman without graciousness is as a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout (Pro 11:22).
  7. Pain in human relationships is always caused by one or both parties lacking in graciousness.


  1. Our Lord Jesus Christ – the perfect Man – should always be our chief goal in character.
    1. Jesus grew in favour with God and man – graciousness with godliness (Luke 2:52).
    2. Jesus had grace poured into His lips, which is a great key of graciousness (Ps 45:2).
    3. When Jesus returned to His home town, the people heard His graciousness (Lu 4:22).
  2. Samuel also developed such a spirit – he had graciousness with godliness (I Samuel 2:26).
  3. Daniel had an excellent spirit without fault or error – he was very faithful (Dan 5:12; 6:3-4).
  4. David was incredibly gracious long before he ever entered the palace – God had taught him.
    1. He was a man after God’s own heart; therefore he possessed graciousness from God.
    2. All the people accepted and loved him and set his name high (I Sam 18:5,14-16,30).
    3. Jonathan, who was to be king, loved him as his own soul (I Sam 18:1-4 cp Pr 22:11).


  1. The Holy Spirit leads and convicts people to be gracious – by His fruit (Galatians 5:22-23).
  2. The Holy Scriptures describe the character traits and virtues that should characterize saints.
  3. You can never get started until you acknowledge your sin and repent for odious conduct.
    1. I can easily divide this church in half with those having an abrasive edge on one side.
    2. The temperaments are most useful in forcing people to accept verses for them.
    3. Half of those chosen with the abrasive edge will deny and argue about themselves.
    4. All that matters is how God and others view you. Your opinion is only selfish pride.
    5. A great difficulty in ever changing is the stubbornness of most to admit their faults.


  1. Exalt listening over speaking, if you talk a lot. An excellent spirit spareth words (Pr 17:27).
  2. Speak always with grace, seasoned with salt (Col 4:6; Eph 4:29; Eccl 10:12; Prov 16:13).
  3. A pure heart provides gracious speech, so keep thy heart with all diligence (Pr 22:11; 31:26).
  4. Don’t allow even a little folly, which impulsive spirits will try to justify (Ecclesiastes 10:1).
  5. Exalt mercy over judgment. Manliness or holy zeal is not always condemning (James 2:13).
  6. Learn each of the fifteen aspects of charity and practice them at all times (I Cor 13:4-7).
  7. To the odious person, compassion and affection is flattery and effeminate; but they err.
  8. Never . . . that means never . . . be interested in presenting your own opinion (Phil 2:3-4).
  9. Meekness is a great virtue we must seek – the lack of interest or effort in self-promotion.
  10. If you are given to moodiness, you need to rule your spirit; graciousness does not allow it.
  11. Admire and esteem gentleness rather than despise it as effeminate and weak (Gal 5:22-23).
  12. Practice with your wife and children, for you will never be otherwise consistently.


Proverbs 11:16Proverbs 30:21-23
Great ListenerGreat Talker
Very ThankfulBarely Thankful
Grateful for correctionDefensive against correction
Listens with eyes, ears, mind, and bodyThinking of what to say when she gets to talk
Calm and collectedJesting, babbling, and talking to fill gaps
Remembers good details past and present about othersPreoccupied with self and her present and future
Willing to do anything cheerfullyGrudgingly participates or rejects activity
Modest and self-debasingConfident and proud of self
Forgives instantly and fullyUnforgiving or grudgingly so
Genuinely interested in anotherPreoccupied with self
Thoughtfully kind to never offendTends to be abrupt and inconsiderate
AccommodatingDemanding, asking, expecting
Meek and reticent about praiseExpects and absorbs praise
“You look very nice this morning.”“Are you ill? You look somewhat sickly.”
“That is a beautiful dress.”“There is a spot on your collar.”
“Those candies were the nicest gift.”“My favorite kind has peanuts.”
“My husband is a wonderful man.”“He never notices or does anything nice for me.”
“You did an excellent job with the children tonight.”“I wish you wouldn’t take so long with devotions.”
“What can I do to help with your hunting trip tomorrow?”“Why do you have to go hunting every Saturday?”
“May I go to the gun show with you today?”“You just went to a gun show two months ago.”
“We had a wonderful trip. Thank you for asking.”“I threw up on the plane, and the hotel was dirty.”
“The sermon was very good and convicting today.”“Aren’t we ever going to get out of Luke?”
Immediate and profuse thankfulnessDisconnected and minimal thankfulness
Often sends a Thank you card laterSeldom thinks of a card for smaller things
Believes she is not graciousBelieves she is gracious
Never presumes or asks for favorsEasily presumes and asks and expects
Never gets angry or ruffled or stiff or offendedEasily gets angry, ruffled, stiff, and offended
Never speaks sarcastically or cuttingEasily gets sarcastic or cutting
Willingly participates in group eventsShows dislike of choice or withdraws from group
Very attentive and giving to inferiorsCondescending, formal and haughty to inferiors
Her delightfully charming presence shinesHer harsh, edgy, hard, critical presence darkens
Easily overlooks and ignores others’ faultsVerbally criticizes or bodily condemns for faults
Wouldn’t cause a scene for any amount of moneyEasily makes a scene for “principle” and no money
Smiles, laughs, comforts a waitress who spills her wineFrowns, criticizes, complains, and ruins evening
Cheerfully greets husband two hours late from workDoes not greet him, complains, and punishes him
Never demands or expects an apology for faults or failuresExpects, requests, demands an apology or punishes
Willing to eat French fries when she ordered rice pilafDemands her rice and slams waitress for evening
Cheerfully changes when husband dislikes her favorite outfitMakes excuses, complains, and wears it anyway
Enjoys taking the extra 10 minutes to talk to the elderlyCuts conversation short and complains anyway
Forgives in an instant and says apology was not necessaryPunishes, forgives slowly, criticizes, and reminds
Never interrupts conversations to correct or add factsInterrupts husband or others for trivial corrections
Never says or repeats things about others who are absentEasily whispers and slights others not present
Always has time for anyone and everyoneToo busy and pressed to be attentive or helpful
Others say, “She is such a beautiful and wonderful woman.”Others say, “That’s Brenda. Try to overlook it.”
Others say, “It is so pleasant and fun going out with her.”Others say, “I’d rather not go, if she’s coming.”
Men say, “Women like her are one in a million.”Men say, “Can you imagine living with that?”
Always turns conversations to talk about the other personTurns or allows conversations to center on herself
I forgive you; forget about it; I’ve already forgotten about it.Do you know how much you hurt me?