Proverbs 5:19

Contentment with your wife is crucial to a happy marriage. Solomon warned his son to make three important choices – cherish his wife tenderly as a delicate object of affection, appreciate her body and sexuality only, and let her affection and devotion consume him. This inspired proverb contains some of the most necessary marital advice for husbands. A man can profit very much by learning and doing this wisdom and that in Colossians 3:19.

If a man lets bitterness harden him toward his wife, desires the bodies of other women, or despises his wife’s efforts to be his lover, he will destroy his marriage, his sexuality, and his soul. Discontentment, especially in marriage, has terrible consequences. Beware! The blessed God, who knows more about marital love and pleasure than all men combined, gave precious instruction to those that will humble themselves, hear it, and apply it.

A bitter man is horribly unhappy, constantly frustrated, and sexually impaired. He will hurt and neglect his wife, until she cannot love him, and the marriage becomes a sham. He will be vulnerable to strange women, whose breasts cannot satisfy, no matter how beautiful, for they belong to cruel women God has condemned (Pr 5:9). Solomon, the loving and wise father, soberly warned his son against the dangers of discontentment.

A hind is a female deer, usually of the red deer. A roe is a small species of deer of Europe and Asia. Together the words describe a small, delicate, graceful, and tender female deer. These deer were caught, tamed, and enjoyed as pets by kings and others in Solomon’s time. Their refined, gentle natures were the delight of both men and women. And the wise man will refer to them again when describing his wife’s beauty (Song 4:5; 7:3).

Coupled with Solomon’s adjectives of loving and pleasant, you see a wonderful word picture of a delightful and prized woman worthy of love and protection. Lady Wisdom calls all men to view their wives this way and treat them accordingly. A husband should carefully treat his wife with gentle affection and patient tenderness, just as if he were caring for a loving and pleasant female deer. Paul confirmed this rule in the N.T., where he commanded men to cherish – treat with special care – their wives (Eph 5:28-29).

God formed Eve’s breasts and all other details of her body that were so marvelous to Adam’s eyes and touch. And nothing has changed – men still marvel at a woman’s body. God made men to be attracted by a woman’s body, and within marriage, it keeps the man coming back for more. Her body and lovemaking should be a constant source of delight, and a wise woman will know and exploit this for his and her happiness and pleasure.

The frequency, creativity, passion, and variety of sexual lovemaking are not suggestions, possibilities, or preferences; they are commandments (I Cor 7:1-5). It is a horrible act of covenant breaking, defrauding, and hatred to shortchange your spouse in any aspect of this dutiful privilege and honorable pleasure. God will judge all selfish or stingy spouses, for even the New Testament warns that God expects both spouses to be fully satisfied.

While breasts are mentioned by name in this proverb, they are synecdoche for her whole body and sexual pleasure. But the perpetual importance of breasts for attraction and lovemaking is forcefully brought to our attention by Solomon’s plain language. Nothing has changed; breasts are still beautiful and important in the appearance and performance of a woman (Song 4:5; 7:1-10; Ezek 16:7; 23:3,8; Hos 2:2). Women in Solomon’s day were as concerned about their breasts as much as women are today (Song 1:13; 8:8-10).

But this wicked society tries to expose breasts to public view, which Christians must fight with all their power. Immodest clothes that emphasize, enhance, or expose the size or shape of breasts must be rejected. And this rule of holiness and godliness must apply to the other parts of a woman’s body that also attract the attention and desire of men. The present state of public undress makes it hard for men to be satisfied husbands at home for great marriages. God hates female immodesty (Is 3:16-24; I Tim 2:9-10; I Pet 3:3-4).

This proverb binds every man to be content and satisfied with his wife’s breasts, the rest of her body, and her lovemaking. It is a choice. Every husband must choose to focus on what he has, rather than bemoan his fate for what he does not have. It is a command. The proverb here is not a suggestion, and every man can do it, if he will obey the Lord. Of course, if his wife is depriving him of sexual pleasure or has let her appearance decline, it is his duty and right to correct the situation by wise and loving management of the marriage (Gen 3:16; I Cor 7:3-5; 11:9; 14:34-35; Eph 5:22-24; Tit 2:4-5).

The infinite Creator, who designed love, sex, and every detail of both bodies, limited man sexually to one woman, and her only in marriage. To keep monogamy from becoming monotony, He gave these rules of marital advice for men. If a man keeps them, he will realize the glorious happiness and fulfillment the LORD intended in creating Eve for Adam (Gen 2:18; I Cor 11:9). He will fervently say with His Creator, “It is very good!” Hollywood and Playboy are abject losers when it comes to love and sex, as their lives, divorces, dysfunction, and unhappiness prove. Ultimate love is for obedient Christians.

To ravish a thing is to seize and carry it away by violent force, as plundering spoil from an enemy. To ravish a person is to overpower them and take them away, as in sweeping them off their feet! Wise men choose to be overcome by their wives’ affection, devotion, and lovemaking. The rule here is not ravishing your wife, but rather being ravished by your wife. But since she is a responder, it includes your love of her. It is a choice to be spoiled by her affection, so the strange woman has no means of approach or seduction.

With a little knowledge and experience, any woman has more ability and capacity for sexual pleasure than any man, which means your wife is more than you can handle, if you love her properly. The true God does all things well, including this often overlooked fact about men and women. Though she was created for the man (Gen 2:18; I Cor 11:9), his greatest pleasure comes through emphasizing her pleasure (Song 2:6-7; 8:3-4). Help your wife to be the best, and rejoice in her love without regard to women outside your home.

It should be obvious that pornography is totally condemned by this proverb. Being satisfied with your wife’s breasts and body at all times does not allow even brief looks at the breasts or bodies of other women. In order for a man to keep this proverb, he must also be exceedingly careful with television and magazines and avoid public beaches or pools, shopping malls in summertime, coed gyms, and offices with immodest women. If such rules are too hard for you, then do not complain about your unhappy marriage.

Women can also destroy their marriages, sexuality, and souls, when they wish their husbands were different. A woman must not desire the communication, emotion, intelligence, leadership, personality, spirituality, success, or any other trait she sees in other men. She must avoid thinking on these things. Such thoughts are the same as her husband wishing for the face, breasts, waist, or legs of another woman. She must choose to be content with the man she has married, just as she wants him to be content with her.

Romance novels, describing fantasy men, passionate seduction, and unrealistic emotions in idealized settings, are a woman’s pornography. Reading such fairy tales will lead a woman to be unhappy with her husband, for no man will ever measure up to such ridiculous ideas. Reading and dreaming about them is self-destructive and insanity. It is the same sin as men making their wives physically inferior by viewing pornography.

Contentment in marriage is a learned choice, as it is in other things (Phil 4:11). It is an attitude, not better circumstances (Phil 4:12). There is no perfect spouse, and there never will be. Neither is there a perfect job, business, house, car, or vacation. So the key to success in marriage is to be content – totally satisfied, even ravished – by the one you have married. Do not wait for the one you have to change, or wish you were with another. Great gain is godliness with contentment (I Tim 6:6), and it certainly applies to marriage.

Husband, you have just read marital advice worth a fortune from the wisest man who ever lived, who had 1000 wives (I Kgs 11:3). Marital happiness, fulfilling love, and satisfying sex are dependent on you. The advice is simple: consider and treat her delicately with tender affection, choose to be always satisfied with her body and lovemaking, and focus on her devotion, love, and loyalty. You can be immensely happy!

Do not let another woman come near in these areas. Solomon’s words are very valuable for promoting a great marriage, but they were given to ward off the temptations of the strange woman. By exalting your wife to her rightful place, you will be protected from the vexing draw of other women, who seek to tantalize, frustrate, and destroy you. There is no true peace, pleasure, or prosperity for the adulterer. Therefore, the word of God is simple – do not look or think about another woman (Pr 6:25; Job 31:1; Matt 5:28).

Wife, if your husband should be satisfied, even ravished, with you in the three ways described for a great marriage, what are you doing to help him? Are you a delicate and gracious creature deserving affection, like a loving hind and pleasant roe? Do you diet and exercise to maintain the resemblance of a woman’s hourglass body? Do you use it boldly for his regular pleasure? Do you lavish affection, devotion, lovemaking, and praise on him? Do you do it aggressively, with passion? Do you over- or under-whelm him?

The Lord’s soon return will bring a marriage where the Bridegroom and bride are perfect. There will be no longing for another, for He will be gloriously magnificent to an infinite degree beyond anything you can or will imagine, and He will have made you perfectly beautiful for Him (Ps 45:10-15; Eph 5:25-27; Rev 19:7-8). Come quickly, Lord Jesus!