Proverbs 31:12

Here is the virtuous woman! Here is the perfect woman that a mother described to her son the king to help him pick a perfect wife (Pr 31:1). She treats her husband well every day of her life. She never does him wrong. She dedicates her life to always doing him good.

The virtuous woman knows her purpose in life, which is the foundation for her attitude and actions. She knows she was created to be her husband’s helper, even before sin was in the world (Gen 2:18). She knows she was made for him, not him for her (I Cor 11:9). She approaches life every day with the intent of being a good wife for her husband.

Considering the context of this proverb, you find it follows a description of her husband safely trusting her (Pr 31:11). The husband of the virtuous woman can always trust his wife, because he knows she always does what is good and right toward him. He never has to worry about getting less than her best either in public or private. He totally trusts her.

The context following describes an industrious, frugal, efficient, and productive woman. She not only balances domestic duties and financial pursuits, but she excels at both. Her husband and children praise her domestically (Pr 31:28), and she is highly productive with her own works that praise her (Pr 31:31). She exceeds all other women (Pr 31:29).

How does a woman live the perfect life of the virtuous woman? One day at a time! Each day a woman must remember her purpose, apply herself totally to the goal, and quickly correct any mistakes. A successful life is a string of successful days. A woman who will obey this proverb today, and do the same tomorrow, will be the virtuous woman.

The virtuous woman is described by action – she does him good; she does not do him bad. It is nothing for a woman to stay in her marriage; she has not done anything worthy of praise. It is nothing for a woman to think or talk well of her husband; she must do those things he desires and needs. The virtuous woman is active in serving her husband.

Read her resume. She willingly works manually (Pr 31:13). She avoids foolish shortcuts (Pr 13:14). She gets up early (Pr 31:15). She is financially creative to enhance family wealth (Pr 31:16). She exerts herself with intense effort (Pr 31:17). She confidently stays up late to finish projects (Pr 31:18). She will gladly make things from scratch (Pr 31:19).

She uses spare time to help the poor (Pr 31:20). Her family is properly clothed for every season (Pr 31:21). She decorates her house elegantly and is careful to look her best (Pr 31:22). Her reputation honors her husband (Pr 31:23). She starts a business to help with income (Pr 31:24). She works hard and does what is right (Pr 31:25). She has only wise and kind speech (Pr 31:26). She does everything the family needs (Pr 31:27).

The virtuous woman does her husband good romantically. She never defrauds him of sex a day in her life. She knows the inspired rule to satisfy him in every way (I Cor 7:1-5), and she loves Solomon’s Song for inspirational reading. She knows true lovemaking includes her soul and response, not just submission; her creativity, not just availability. She thinks about sex, plans for sex, initiates sex, and gets better at sex to do him good.

She will do him good verbally, by using her words to praise and reverence him (Eph 5:33; I Pet 3:6). She will not contend, complain, question, or whine (Pr 19:13; 21:9,19; 27:15). She uses affectionate and kind words to build his soul and comfort his heart. She does not make needless suggestions, raise questions, or otherwise nag her husband. She does not talk back to him, and she does not bring up his faults (Tit 2:9; Pr 10:12).

She will do him good financially by working willingly and looking for opportunities to earn more and spend less. She will stretch a dollar. She will not waste, shop foolishly, or complain about savings or cutting back on the family budget. She will cheerfully allow her husband to spend on himself. She will not begrudge him his use of his own money. She cheerfully works harder than her peers in order to help her husband build the estate.

She will do him good with the children by praising him to them and supporting his decisions with cheerful agreement. She never undermines his authority or objects to his standard of godly discipline. She creates a united front that builds the marriage and thwarts rebellious children. She makes their father the chief object of their love and respect (Pr 17:6). She directs the family for him during any times he must be away.

She will do him good in her clothing by dressing as attractively and modestly as she can to be his jewel and prize. She does not let her appearance decline without a fight! She exercises intensely to stay shapely, flexible, and strong for both appearance and lovemaking. She refuses to be dowdy due to age or childbearing. She does not dress to be noticed or flattered by other men. She cares about the attention of only one man’s eyes.

She will do him good by a cheerful and agreeable spirit, even when he wants her to do something she dislikes (Eph 5:22-24; Col 3:18). She will not complain, pout, drag, or otherwise object to anyone, especially her husband. She knows that true submission can only be practiced when her husband asks her to do something she does not want to do.

She will do him good by praising him to others, especially her family, her friends, and the children. She will not complain or criticize her husband, unless to wise counselors in a matter of righteousness. She focuses on her own deficiencies and faults, rather than collecting and broadcasting his. She works on her beam rather than his mote (Matt 7:1-5). She does not gather with other unhappy wives to share negative stories about husbands.

She will not fantasize about other men or flirt for attention. She will not read romantic novels or watch soap operas or movies for vicarious pleasure with another man. She would never go near the embrace of another man, nor even accept any related looks. She will do him good her entire life by creating absolute and total trust of her sexual loyalty.

The virtuous woman does not neglect adoring and helping her husband due to middle or old age. She looks forward to children moving out for more time with him. She rejects ideas that sex ends at 50, 70, or even 90. She is a sport for anything he wants to try, and maybe more. She does not let the marriage get old. She knows that first love requires remembering the best times, repenting for any slippage, and repeating former ways.

Neither does she excuse herself at all from her duties, just because she has discovered his faults. She knows his faults do not affect the virtuous woman at all. She treats him well in spite of them, for she knows this conduct is what truly pleases the Lord (I Pet 2:18-23). And she knows she has as many or more faults herself to work on for the rest of her life. She also knows God sovereignly chose her husband before she was born just for her.

She will be sensitive to his needs and be there for him with helpful service, rather than condemning him to herself, to others, or to him. She will learn his temperament and the burdens of his soul to comfort and encourage him, rather than despise, nag, or criticize him (Pr 12:25). She will do him good, even when he is discouraged or depressed. She will remember that two are better than one, especially in times of need (Eccl 4:9-12).

She will be creative and show initiative in doing all she can to make him happy. She will use every meal for a happy time to honor her husband before family or friends. She will do all she can to lift his spirits and encourage him in his labors and problems. Her meals will be pleasant times of peace and pleasure to rejuvenate him in body and soul. She will keep the home clean, organized, and peaceful to give him a refreshing refuge from life.

She will never use silence to punish him. She rejects any thought of a cold war with her husband. She would never use tears to confuse or punish him. She works at making his job of husband as easy as possible. She always wants to apologize first, rather than waiting for him to do so. She does not believe separation makes the heart grow fonder.

She will seek to outwork her husband by rejecting the spoiled housewife idea of leisure ladies that sleep in, shop for sport, meet at Starbucks, play at tennis, exaggerate on social media, text often, and blabber on the phone (Ezek 16:49). She knows the primary trait of the virtuous woman is her industrious labor in and out of the home (Pr 31:13-27).

She will never let a job or children compete with her husband. She knows she was made a wife first, mother second. She will always dote on her husband more than the children. And no matter how successful at a profession, it is not nearly as important as her man. She desires nothing more than to be with her husband and do what she can to please him.

The virtuous woman is good to her husband spiritually. She supports his spiritual activities with the greatest zeal she can muster. She cooperates fully in any family devotions or other religious activities. She does not question, complain, criticize, or make suggestions that even slightly dent his role as teacher of the family. She despises David’s Michal and thinks her punishment was perfect (II Sam 6:14-23).

This great woman is a crown to her husband (Pr 12:4). Everyone knows he is blessed, because a great woman cannot be hid (Pr 11:16; 31:23). She conducts herself most carefully, lest she allows a fly in the ointment to spoil her husband’s crown (Eccl 10:1). She is eagerly willing to be his Mrs., his helper, his earner, his lover, his arm candy, etc.

Is such a wife possible? How do you find such a woman? There is one simple and rare criterion, and it never fails. A woman that truly fears God will live her life this way, because in the Bible He has told her to live this way (Pr 31:30). Young man, learn the fear of the Lord and require it fully in any girl you would even dare think about marrying.